i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
