I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
