if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
