I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish i was in the wii world.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
