you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
