YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
