I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
