Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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