he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She's the barista slut.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
