I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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