I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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