I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
