we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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