I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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