I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
