then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
