another moral hangover. fuck.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
