Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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