And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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