I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
