i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
