He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I cut my penus on the lid.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
