i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
