as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
