i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
