dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
id be glad to
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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