Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
