Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
