He kissed a someone with a penis
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
