you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
