I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
