That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
