Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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