I heard we made out
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
