we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
