I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
