I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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