Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
