just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
