come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
