So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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