I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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