I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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