Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
