He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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