It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
