did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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