Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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