This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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