when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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