Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
